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ALICE: Admitting that the identity thieves legally bought those names off our database is embarrassing to the company, so I don’t want your group to say that.
ALICE: On the other hand, claiming that the thieves stole the information is going to make us a laughingstock, since too many people already know what happened. So I don’t want you to say that, either.
ALICE: But admitting that the information was bought in a legal transaction might be an admission of liability on our part, so you really can’t say that.
ALEX: Right. You already told me not to say that.
ALICE: We’re going to have to fall back on our standard scapegoat to deal with this problem.
ALEX: Standard scapegoat. Got it. I’ll tell the others.
ALEX: After carefully investigating the incident, we’ve come to the conclusion that the dastardly crime was committed by Linux terrorists.
CUSTOMER: The fiends!