Help Desk: Cast

Alex

Alex

One of the elite technical support representatives working the Ubersoft Help Desk, Alex is a trained professional who knows exactly how not to help you solve your problem.

Monk

Monk

Alex’s oldest friend, as teenagers they both worked summers at CompUSURY, and after graduating college they joined Ubersoft’s Help Desk at the same time. Yes, his hair is supposed to look like that.

King

King

King is from Las Vegas, and he doesn’t know why people always find that funny. He’s worked at Ubersoft’s help desk for as long as Alex and Monk.

Mark

Mark

Mark is the lone technical writer at Ubersoft. He was hired after Ubersoft reluctantly agreed to provide more comprehensive documentation to their products in order to improve their image with the Department of Justice. Mark is a magnet for trouble, and has been arrested for “Linux terrorism” at least twice.

Scott

Scott

Scott is a little different from the rest of the Help Desk staff — he’s relatively new to the job, and as it turns out he’s an idealist: he genuinely wants to help the customers who call, and always does his best to solve their problems.

No one was entirely sure why he wanted to work at Ubersoft. Eventually he quit and went to work at Google.

The Dark Lord of Ubersoft

The Dark Lord of Ubersoft

A creature of darkness from another plane of existance, the Dark Lord of Ubersoft is intent on one thing, and one thing only: dominating the computer industry so that he can use computers to inflict fear, pain, and misery upon the world at large. So far his plan is working perfectly.

Phil

Phil

Ubersoft’s top programmer. He’s very creative, but not terribly disciplined, and the software he creates is usually laden with earth-shattering bugs — just the kind of software defects his employers prefer. He is responsible for the creation of Binky after a night of coding and heavy drinking.

Viktor Schreck

Viktor Schreck

Chief Counsel for Ubersoft, and the Boss’ right-hand man, he is the perfect lawyer: ruthless, dedicated, and completely unable to see his own reflection.

Alice

Alice

Alex’s little sister and a rising star of Ubersoft’s Marketing Division, Alice has an uncanny knack for shaping words to fit Ubersoft’s needs.

Barry

Barry

A member of Ubersoft development, and one of Phil’s senior programmers, he was present when Phil created Binky.

Binky

Binky

Binky represents the cutting edge of personal help avatar technoloy. It uses IntelliProzac(TM) technology to immediately assess what is required to put a computer user at ease, and then do that so much that it drives them hopelessly insane.

“Steve”

Steve

When Binky was fired from Ubersoft, Steve Jobs offered him a job — and then performed experiments on him that transformed him into “Steve,” the suave, smooth-talking paperclip who is a cross between David Niven and Clark Gable.

“Drinky”

Drinky

When the Boss divided Binky into three copies of himself in order to demonstrate how he would get around a potential move by the Department of Justice to divide the company up into three operating units, two of the Binkys left Ubersoft and struck out on their own. One of the Binkys, embittered with his life, spent most of his time at a hole in the wall just outside Las Vegas and turned into a mean, bitter drunk.

Evil Binky

Evil Binky

Binky was created by Phil, but it was the Dark Lord of Ubersoft who put the finishing touches on his code… and from time to time Binky’s darker side emerges. When this happens, Binky transforms into a demonic document fastener and wreaks havoc on everything (and everyone) around him.

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs

Is he the single most brilliant computer developer of all time, or is he just another mad scientist who dares delve into secrets that man was not meant to know? A consummate perfectionist, a connoisseur of elegance and good taste, his products are always beautiful, functional, and seductive. Sure, he’s evil… sure, he wants to rule the world… but chains he wants to wrap around your arms and legs fit perfectly, breathe well, and will always keep you warm at night. The only thing that keeps him from taking over the world is the knowledge that the Dark Lord of Ubersoft is holding his ego as hostage.

Mitch

Mitch

One of Phil’s senior programmers, he was present the night Phil created Binky.

UberThugs

UberThugs

Ubersoft’s elite shock troops, the are deployed whenever Ubersoft is threatened… unless they’re busy doing something else.