Comic Transcript
JIM WASHINGTON: This evening we have Viktor Schreck, chief counsel for Ubersoft, in the studio with us to discuss their latest lawsuit: they claim that the ACLU’s attempt to sue them for releasing private customer information to the Federal Government is a violation of their “right to free speech.” Thank you for joining us, Mr. Schreck.
VIKTOR SCHRECK: Thank you Jim.
JIM WASHINGTON: Mr. Schreck, can you please explain Ubersoft’s reasoning behind this unusual legal defence?
VIKTOR SCHRECK: It’s hardly unusual, Jim. The Constitution grants citizens very broad protections when it comes to free speech, and the Fourteenth amendment gives corporations the very same protections as citizens. The ACLU wants to deny us our constitutionally protected rights, and we feel it will have a chilling effect on the rights of everyone if they should succeed.
JIM WASHINGTON: I see. And do you have nay other strategies you also plan to pursue?
VIKTOR SCHRECK: We do, Jim. We are also filing for punitive damages against the ACLU under the Whistleblower Protection Act.
JIM WASHINGTON: The… really?
VIKTOR SCHRECK: Absolutely, Jim. We fully believed that by turning over those customer records we were providing information on attempts to defraud the government, and the ACLU is trying to punish us for it. That’s blatantly illegal and reprehensible to boot.
(Silence.)
JIM WASHINGTON: Anything else?
VIKTOR SCHRECK: We’re also considering suing the ACLU for discriminating against us on the basis of religion, but we haven’t made a decision on that yet.
