Comic Transcript
CUSTOMER: Hello, I represent “People for the Establishment of a Legitimate Democratic Process.” We have a few concerns about your electronic voting software that is currently being used in states like Florida.
ALEX: Ubersoft is happy to answer your questions, and to assure you that we are committed to the highest of standards when it comes to preserving democracy.
CUSTOMER: If that’s the case, then why do none of your electronic voting machines provide a paper printout of a person’s vote, so that states that require a recount during the election have votes they can actually count?
ALEX: While we understand the distress this causes, our electronic voting process purposely avoids manual printouts precisely to avoid all of the problems that occurred in 2000.
CUSTOMER: Oh really? How?
ALEX: You saw the images of the last election: human error ran rampant, from voters not completely punching holes in the voting cards to election officials trying to determine voter intent examining those ballots. Electronic voting avoids all the pitfalls of paper ballots. Providing paper ballots after the fact would simply re-introduce all those errors.
CUSTOMER: But your machines could be counting wrong!
ALEX: True, but if so they’ll be AUTHORITATIVELY wrong. You won’t have to worry about any indecision or hand-wringing on the part of the machine. It won’t be up late at night wringing its hands over whether or not it made the wrong call. Even if it gets the vote count wrong, it will do so decisively.
CUSTOMER: That’s supposed to make me feel better???
ALEX: I’m not sure. Are you a member of the Supreme Court?
CUSTOMER: No.
ALEX: Then no, not really.
