Help Desk

Legal Sparring 101

Comic Transcript

CALLER: So you WANT us to sue you?

ALICE: If you’re suing us in a way that continues to expand the legal precedents surrounding Intellectual Property Law, yes.

ALICE: We allocate a certain amount of our revenue each year for Intellectual Property lawsuits. We consider it our way of encouraging the growth of the burgeoning Patent and Intellectual Property Law Litigation industry.

CALLER: But your boss just told me your company would fight our currently non-existent lawsuit to the bitter end!

ALICE: Of course he did. The only way to establish legal precedent is to get it into the courtroom, and that won’t happen unless it’s fought vigorously.

CALLER: But if you fight it vigorously enough, don’t you run the risk of setting the opposite precedent?

ALICE: Oh, no, we’d never do that. If we’re fighting a precedent we’re actually in favor of, we don’t argue against the validity of the precedent itself. We simply argue that it doesn’t pertain to us under the given circumstances.

CALLER: … which means that both litigants wind up establishing the precedent. The precedent is fixed no matter who wins the case.

ALICE: That’s right.

CALLER: How do you guys come up with this stuff?

ALICE: Some of our top lawyers used to work for the Nevada Athletic Commission.

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