CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.
PAUL: Maybe I expected too much out of a bunch of forensic scientists, but the things they kept asking me to do were… idiotic.
ALAN: Like what?
PAUL: Well once my manager brought me an image taken from a security camera and they asked me to enhance it so they could read the writing on a suspects T-Shirt.
PAUL: So I tried to explain to him that a scan of a photo doesn’t actually contain finer levels of detail — what you get is what the pixels show you, and that’s it.
PAUL: The next day he brings me another photo — this time taken from an ATM — and wants me to capture the image of a suspects face that’s reflected off the ATM monitor that is in turn reflected off the victim’s eye. that’s right. Reflected off the victim’s eye.
PAUL: I tried to explain the difference between real technology and the unicorn-based delusions that were coming out of his fever-dreams, and you know what he said? “Maybe I should hire someone who actually knows what he’s doing instead of a guy who makes excuses all the time.”
PAUL: I told the arresting officer that the bruise patterns on the victims face and neck indicated the assailant was a pissed-off UNIX programmer.