CUSTOMER: I’m having a problem with my DSL access. I can’t seem to–
ALEX: –it’s the modem, sir.
CUSTOMER: Wait, I don’t think it’s the modem, because I can still–
ALEX: –it’s the modem.
CUSTOMER: Look, I’m telling you–
ALEX: –sir, if you really want, I’ll be happy to go through all the tests that I’m required to put you through, including all the tests you’ve already done, and including the tests that will insult your intelligence because that’s exactly what they’re designed to do. After that I’ll probably escalate you to your advanced tech support line, and whoever gets the call will force you to repeat all those tests, and will then run a few more that are just as idiotic, frustrating, insulting, and time-consuming.
ALEX: After that, regardless of what we find, we’ll recommend you upgrade your modem to our newest model. Once you receive that modem, there is a 99% chance that your DSL service will be restored, regardless of what the actual problem was to begin with.
CUSTOMER: I think I’d like to upgrade my modem now.
ALEX: I’ll transfer you to sales.