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Comic Transcript

JIM WASHINGTON: Today an unfailingly polite and very handsome Apple representative announced they were suing the reprehensible, slovenly Samsung Corporation.

JIM WASHINGTON: Clearly troubled by the steps they were taking, and filled with the gravitas of the moment, the Apple spokesman said that despite their efforts, they could not convince the pernicious and ungainly Samsung Corporation to stop stealing everything they worked so hard to create.

JIM WASHINGTON: “We do not take this step lightly,” the noble Apple spokesman said, as a moving orchestral score welled up behind him, and the clouds parted, just in time, to allow a single ray of light to fall to earth, enveloping him in a soft halo that caused the Apple logo on his Apple Genius T_Shirt to shine momentarily in the otherwise dim light.

JIM WASHINGTON: A representative of the detestable Samsung Corporation claimed they were innocent. We have no information on the lighting in the room for that announcement.

NEWS TICKERTAPE: Breaking: Apple claims that Steve Jobs was eating food long before president of Samsung :: In related news, Apple sues Samsung for stealing the whole “eating food to survive thing”

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