Blame Labor

Comic Transcript

JIM WASHINGTON: Good evening and welcome to SCLM-TV’s focus on the American economy and its sometimes uneasy relationship with the technology sector. With us in the studio this evening is Apple representative Steve the iClip, who has agreed to explain to us why Apple CANNOT bring more jobs inside the US.

BINKY (STEVE): Thank you for having me, Jim. Our industry lives or dies by split-second decisions. These split-second decisions are meaningless if our manufacturing arm can’t adapt accordingly, and if it were in the US it certainly couldn’t. There’s no way we could convince a US foreman to round up workers in the middle of the night in order to fix a product defect or make a last minute feature change on one of our iPads.

BINKY (STEVE): Unfortunately, the US is saddled with outmoded and increasingly irrelevant business concepts that prevent it from competing with the rest of the world. We have an obligation to our customers to do business elsewhere.

JIM WASHINGTON: Can you describe this outmoded an irrelevant business model?

BINKY (STEVE): “Unions.” “A forty hour week.” “Minimum wage.” “Employee safety.”

NEWS TICKERTAPE: Breaking: Foxconn reports suicides at manufacturing facility have decreased dramatically this quarter :: Foxconn investors worry this may signal “dramatic decrease in productivity”

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