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The New Velvet Rope

Comic Transcript

STEVE JOBS: My plan is working perfectly.

STEVE JOBS: Everyone in the world–everyone–wants to sell an iPhone app. They want to sell it so badly they will do anything, anything at all, to ensure it gets placed in the store.

STEVE JOBS: They will follow any policy, sign any agreement, to be allowed to place their app in my store. To be welcomed into our family. To be counted among the elite. To be told that, even for a brief time… they matter.

STEVE JOBS: We are the Studio 54 of the smartphone industry!

APPLE EMPLOYEE: Minus the rampant drug use and public displays of sexual behavior.

STEVE JOBS: Well we also own Disney.

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