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Comic Transcript

JIM WASHINGTON: Shocking legal news this evening as a patent violation causes a Judge to punish Ubersoft by setting up a restraining order requiring the company “to stay at least 500 feet away from the Free Market at all times.”

JIM WASHINGTON: While many industry experts predict this ruling will be a crippling blow to Ubersoft’s finances, an Ubersoft spokesman disagreed.

(VIKTOR SCHRECK appears on the video screen.)

VIKTOR SCHRECK: The Judge specifically said the “free” market — and as we all know, the free market was replaced by a quasi-secret cabal of industrial megalomaniacs who ruthlessly exploit the economy for their own nefarious ends.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: The Judge never said we had to stay away from them.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: Which is just as well, because I know a lot of them personally.

NEWS TICKERTAPE: Breaking: Dow Jones Industrial Average breaks 10,000, is immediately fined for vandalism :: Economic experts claim economy would improve more quickly if Dow Jones would “stop being average and try to be exceptional once in a while.”

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