VIKTOR SCHRECK: Ladies and Gentlemen, some of you know that I have made it my unlife’s work to study a theoretical and controversial aspect of the law… one that has been hotly debated in many parts of the legal community… one that is not considered possible by many of my respected peers in the field.
VIKTOR SCHRECK: I am here today to tell you that I have done it. Thanks to recent developments in US law, I have completed the first phase of my work on the Grand Unified Interconnected Litigation Theory.
VIKTOR SCHRECK: It is now possible to use any law in the United States, no matter how trivial or seemingly irrelevant, to have someone arrested in the Federal Courts!
(Enthusiastic cheering from the audience.)
(Large “WHUMP!” sound.)
VIKTOR SCHRECK: I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that no matter how tempting it may be at the time, joyously throwing one’s briefcase into the air, despite being exhilarating, is quite dangerous.