Help Desk

The Grand Design

Comic Transcript

VIKTOR SCHRECK: The keystone of my Grand Unified Interconnected Litigation Theory is, of course the standard End User License Agreement that is attached to every software product and software service available to the public.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: For years we have been trying to get the courts to recognize the EULA as a legally binding contract that requires no signature, no formal witnesses, and no obligation on our part to honor — in short, a contract that is binding only ot the consumer, and a contract that we can change as we see fit while still holding the consumer to its terms.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: While we have made some progress in this respect, it was always tenuous progress at best. Recently, however, the Federal Government has brought criminal charges against a woman who created a fake identity on Myspace… and the basis for those charges is that she violated Myspace’s Terms of Service. To be specific, because she violated Myspace’s Terms of Service, Federal Prosecutors are charging her with hacking Myspace.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: I have concluded that if we place the phrase “Terms of Service” in a standard End User License Agreement, anyone who violates any term of the EULA can be charged in a similar manner.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: And because it is already standard practice to put language in our EULAs stating that we can change the terms of a EULA at any time, we can target a user, determine what he or she is doing, add that as a violation of the EULA, and then have the user arrested — at any time, for any reason.

VIKTOR SCHRECK: Of course, criminal charges are only the first step. The true test of any legal theory is whether or not the customer can be sued for ridiculous sums of money.


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