Help Desk

The Gears Grind To A Halt

Comic Transcript

CUSTOMER: Hello, I’m having some trouble with my —

ALEX: I’m sorry, I’m not able to provide any customer support today.

CUSTOMER: What?

ALEX: I apologize for the inconvenience. Unfortunately, our legal department is tied up in court suing itself, and without legal to guide marketing, marketing can’t tell us what to say whenever you call in with a problem about any sensitive products.

CUSTOMER: “Sensitive products?”

ALEX: Products that have problems, but that we don’t want to admit have problems, so we say something clever that denies the problem even exists, but not something so clever that it gets us sued for making false statements or claims.

CUSTOMER: You mean like when I was about to complain that Nifty Doorways Verandah won’t actually run on the hardware you claimed would run on?

ALEX: Thank you for calling Ubersoft, and have a nice day.

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