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TV PERSONALITY: We interrupt our currently running broadcast with news concerning the DOJ v. Ubersoft “Unholy Business Practices” lawsuit. It seems that the Department of Justice and Ubersoft have reached a tentative settlement in this historic case, which may cease all pending litigation by the government against the computer industry giant.
TV PERSONALITY: Details are sketchy at the moment, but it appears that Ubersoft will promise to “never, ever do it again” and that an independent panel of industry experts will be appointed to ensure that they refrain from any Unholy Business Practices in the near future.
TV PERSONALITY: In unrelated news, Washington D.C. Chiropractors are mystified by the sudden increase in patients who are suffering from back problems “due to the complete and utter absence of their spine.”