CUSTOMER: Hello, Ubersoft? I just signed up for your Internet service and I'm running into a little problem.
ALEX: Hello, sir, and welcome to the UberNet.
CUSTOMER: So anyway...
ALEX: The UberNet is a collection of Internet access technologies that improves your overall Internet experience by monitoring and reshaping network traffic in order to maximize the bandwidth and speed for all our customers. Using the latest in near-AI decision making algorithms, the UberNet is able to improve Internet speeds by nearly 600%.
CUSTOMER: Well right now it doesn't work.
ALEX: I'm sure it stopped working nearly 600% faster than any of our competitors.