Today over on Twitter I talked at length about the one kind of advice you should never take from other writers. I liked it, so I’m posting it here.
You know, from time to time I feel the need to give other writers advice. For the most part, I don't. 1/48 #thisisnotoneofthosetimes #alas
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
In general I think that's a good thing. I can't really point to a long string of successes to justify giving "how to succeed" advice. 2/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
That doesn't change my knee-jerk desire to shout "NOOOOOO" when I stumble across some twitter threads or other online discussions! 3/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
It's pure arrogance, of course. But hey, I regularly make up stories and publish them, expecting people to love them! So… DUH. 4/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
On the other hand, I have a lot of experience in How Not To Throw In The Towel, and THAT advice doesn't usually go beyond "don't quit." 5/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
With that in mind, here is a survival tactic I would like to offer up for people who are desperately looking for survival tactics. 6/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
As you stumble blindly through your artistic career, you'll get advice, critiques, corrections, and challenges from a lot of people. 7/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
By "a lot of people" I mean: 8/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
"Does the person have the ability to post on social media? They have a strongly-felt opinion about your work, and will share it!" 9/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
There will be good advice, there will be bad advice. There will be advice that is critical, and advice that is affirming. 10/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Some of the critical advice will be good, some of the affirming advice will be bad. 11/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
You will be forced to decide what advice is worth following, and what is not. You will choose wrong, because it's hard to weed out. 12/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Sometimes the advice will be generally good for most writers, but bad for you. Sometimes you'll THINK that, and be wrong… 13/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
…because you're arrogant. I mean, you probably are, a little bit: you're defying the world by putting your work in the spotlight. 14/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
But I want to give you one rule of thumb you can use to try to manage advice and criticism from one very specific situation: 15/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
If a stranger gives you uncomfortably harsh advice, and justifies it using the phrase "tough love," discard the advice and the source. 16/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
I don't care if the stranger is successful, famous, charming, or otherwise entertaining. 17/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
I don't care if the stranger has a track record of helping other artists like you. 18/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
I don't care if the stranger knows how to turn a generic work of art into something mind-blowingly fabulous. 19/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Here is why I don't care. Here is why this particular circumstance makes me so damned angry: 20/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
TOUGH LOVE REQUIRES LOVE. 21/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
"Tough love" has two words in it. Both words mean something specific. Both are important. 22/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
It's not just some kind of passive state that you can refer to and call up when convenient, love is a verb. 23/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
It requires interaction between people. Usually prolonged interaction, over time. 24/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
No, not that kind of interaction. Mind out of the gutter! 25/48 #internet
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Tough love can be a legitimately real thing. Sadly, sometimes necessary to get through to someone in denial. 26/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
But online? From someone you've never met? Absolutely not. 27/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Nine times out of ten the person using the phrase is just justifying their love of being a prick. 28/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
They like tearing into people and say "tough love" to pretend they have a purpose nobler than playing to the crowd. 29/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
(The tenth person is just using the word wrong. But you won't be able to tell them apart from the others at first.) 30/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Now there's a downside to this. Sometimes you wind up discarding legitimately good advice: sometimes the assholes are right. 31/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
That's because rules of thumb aren't surgically precise standards, they're just useful. 32/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
But there are two important things you have to do when you're commiting to an artistic career: first, you have to do the work. 33/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Second, you have to survive so you can keep doing the work. 34/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
You're going to need to find a way to filter out the people who, to be frank, don't care if you survive or not. 35/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Some of these people who don't care if you survive have a lot of good ideas about doing good work, but they don't care if you survive! 36/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
You need to care about surviving, because it can be tough. I mean, not physically dangerous, necessarily… 37/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
…though, um, that's not universally true… 38/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
…but you'll spend a lot of time trying to find a way to work in the face of people being utterly indifferent to you. 39/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
And as trivial as that sounds, it's one of the main reasons people quit. 40/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
So you want to find a way to get better — you need to find a way to allow criticism in AND keep it out… 41/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
…but you need to do it in a way that allows you to stay sane, resist despair, keep going, don't quit, and not lose your shit online. 42/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
You'll spend a lot of time out there facing indifference and, yes, also negativity. It's easy to drown in both. 43/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
You need to find ways to survive that. Sometimes that means ignoring people who might be trying to help you. 44/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
Which comes back to my advice: if an internet-dweller is being harsh, and they claim "tough love," ask yourself: 45/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
"Do I actually know this person?" If the answer is no, dismiss them out of hand. 46/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
If you do know the person, what happens next is between the two of you. I can't tell you what you are to each other. 47/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
OK, I'm done. This was not an act of tough love. Just an act of general concern. 48/48
— This Site Hates Snuffleupagus (@ubersoft) August 31, 2017
