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Which Candidates Do The Characters Support?

On his blog Rick Marshal asks “Which candidates would your webcomic characters vote for?” He only asks the question of a few specific webcomic creators, none of which are me, but I have no qualms about crashing the party. Below the cut I talk about which characters in which comic would support which candidate (and why).

HELP DESK

The Boss

The Dark Lord of Ubersoft considers politics a means to an end, the end being inflicting as much suffering on as many people for as long a duration as possible. All of the political parties make vigorous arguments as to why all of the other parties would do just that, and the Boss finds it difficult to decide which has the more compelling case. However, this year things were easy: Barack Obama is running a campaign on hope, which is antithetical to everything the Dark Lord of Ubersoft stands for.

Preferred Candidate: John McCain

Alex

Alex is completely apathetic to politics and pretty much everything else.

Preferred Candidate: None

Mark

Mark is a Libertarian, but due to being repeatedly arrested for suspected terrorism over the last eight years he is supporting the Democratic ticket just to piss off the Republicans.

Preferred Candidate: Barack Obama

Scott

Scott, being pretty much the opposite of the Boss in every way, is a single-ticket voter for hope.

Preferred Candidate: Barack Obama

The Google Ceiling-Beast

The many-tentacled creature that lurks on the ceiling of the main Google offices can’t actually vote because it is not a US citizen. However, it has a magpie-like attraction to brassy things.

Preferred Candidate: Ralph Nader

Monk

Monk isn’t interested in politics, but he likes to passive-aggressively annoy people who are. Most of his family is supporting Obama, which is why he’s supporting the Green Party this year.

Preferred Candidate: Cynthia McKinney

King

Being a native of Las Vegas, King always checks the odds and votes accordingly.

Preferred Candidate: Barack Obama (50 EV spread)

Alice

Alice strongly supports business deregulation. She thinks the Libertarian ticket would actually be the most business-friendly, but she doesn’t think they have much of a chance.

Preferred Candidate: John McCain

Binky: Binky doesn’t vote. But he’s happy to help count!

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Alan

Doesn’t vote because he’s afraid he’ll get jury duty.

Preferred Candidate: None

Jack

Writes in Jack Kerouac every four years.

Preferred Candidate: Kerouac

Steven

Steven frequently complains there is no official “Absolute Evil” party in the US, but he’s learned to make do with what he has. In lieu of voting his dream ticket, he instead votes for whoever James Dobson endorses.

Preferred Candidate: John McCain

Johnny

Steven can usually convince Johnny to do anything he wants… with the sole exception of choosing a Linux distribution.

Preferred Candidate: John McCain

Arnault Dreck

Mr. Dreck can’t afford to choose a losing candidate. Instead, he donates equally to every campaign and then after the election he claims to have supported the winner all along… and has the campaign contribution receipts to prove it.

OLD SCHOOL WEBCOMIC

A

Doesn’t trust anyone with more than three corners.

Preferred Candidate: Triangle

B

Feels three-cornered candidates are secretly plotting to destroy the American Dream.

Preferred Candidate: Square

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